My Second Puberty

I'm loving this time of my pregnancy. It's when everyone can actually see I'm pregnant and not just fat. HA! Also the baby is moving around like crazy. I love that he or she is active all day and seems to have a strong case of the hiccups. I took the glucose resistance test a few days ago and ever since it seems like my little one has had the hiccups. Weird! I'm starting to notice bodily changes more now. For example, my boobs are starting to show strong veins. Not colored ones, just one here or there that looks like I lift weights. I wonder if those are the ducts or whatever that will deliver the milk? I'm also seeing super strong veins on my wrists. My hands have started to feel like I have some sort of arthritis. I crack my knuckles every 10 minutes or so and I have done for many many years. But now it hurts when I do it. Or I should say it feels sore, it doesn't hurt at all. My fingers just feel really really stiff. It's hard to fall asle...

Oh my goodness, I'm 26! Time is flying by. In 14 weeks, I'll be a mommy! For now, baby is growing and growing. He or she is listening to our conversations now more intently and is putting on weight. And I can tell that they're swallowing amniotic fluid because I've felt the hiccups all day! What a time to be mom. Some days I feel really prepared and like I've waited for forever, then I suddenly panic and think what the heck am I doing here! I'm most worried about delivery these days. I'm really nervous about the pain I'm going to experience. I want to have a natural birth if I can, but it seems like it's going to be very difficult. Hypnobirthing and waterbirth are two things I really wish I had the money to invest in. Even more, I wish I had a doula. Lately, I've been trying to keep my financial anxieties to a minimum so that I don't pass them on to my child. Everyone deserves to feel like they can have anything they want in this wo...

I'm walking around with a bowling ball in my tummy. I quite like the waddle I'm doing now. It's pretty funny. My pubic bone is hurting loads, but I'm trying to ignore it. My back is also trying to start hurting, but meh. Hubby and I went for a walk tonight on one of the most gorgeous nights in Dubai. Perfect temperature, nice breeze, and beautiful scenery. If I were to describe my perfect day, it would include tonight's walk. Then we stuffed our faces at Texas Roadhouse eating our favorite meal - Buffalo chicken burger and fries. I also got a job offer today and maybe another one on the way. My emotions are all over the place but mostly in the top right side of a xy chart. xo Jenea -Everything is always okay in the end; and if it's not okay, then it's not the end.

I can't believe I keep missing these check-ins! And I've not taken a photo in three weeks. Been pretty tired and unmotivated these days. But I've made it to the six month threshold, woooohooo! Time is flyyyying by. The baby is now starting to plump up which is good. He or she has discernable hair on their scalp and is more and more active every day. I love feeling the kicks and punches from my little one. I love dancing around the house with them and imagining they're having a wail of a time inside! I fantasize about all the cool things we'll get to do once they're on the outside, but I also know that these last few months are important for getting my sanity and strength together, as well as my purpose and inspiration. I realize that I can't force anything to transpire, but I will ask the universe to align things for me so that my family can have a sense of peace. I am proper pregnant now; there's no turning back! xo Jenea - Everything is ...

Today is the beginning of the end of month five! I can't believe how fast this whole thing is going by. Before you know it, the little one is going to be in our arms and with us forever. That thought both inspires and haunts me. Week 24 brings new activity to the baby's brain. It is wiring to the rest of the body so that the organs can talk to each other. His or her inner ear is formed to its adult size and he or she is practicing moving its facial muscles by raising the eyebrow. Cute! The lungs are also developing some sort of thing they need for the baby to breathe once it's on the outside. As far as I'm concerned I feel great. I am still having a kind of stiffness in my pubic bone, but I suppose that'll be there til I give birth. Hubby and I went for a walk today and that was nice. The weather in Dubai has been formidable and the cloudy sky made the walk bearable for hubby's sensitive Scottish skin. The baby was rather active today. I felt kicks and...

Today I'm 23 and feeling great!  . . . sort of. My health is doing fine. Everything feels normal and strong except my pubic bone is killing me. It really hurts to get out of bed when I'm lying down. I asked some women on Facebook if they were having similar issues and many of them suggested I see an osteopath. I've never been one to run to the doctor when something doesn't feel good, but with a baby in tow, it's tempting. I had a nice workout yesterday - did cardio and some back and arms training. I've noticed my back and arms are my least favorite part of my body. Every time I look in the mirror I don't like what I see. Decided I better do something about it then. Anyway, about the baby. It's now moving its eyes under its still-shut eyelids. It can hear loud sounds like dogs barking or the vacuum running. As well, it can apparently feel my movements - particularly when I dance. I think that's my favorite fact from this week's reveal. I...

You know, I know there are so many people out there who are going through really bad pregnancies. I'm not one of them. My little baby has been chugging along with absolutely no issues. To that, I might add, I have been mostly fine. Aside from a tiny bit of nausea here and there, and what I now know were dehydration headaches, I've been great. But one thing that is really pissing me off is the lack of support I'm getting from my mom. I realize that she's 8000 miles and 8 time zones away, but I'm not talking about physical support. I need emotional support. And not even the cry-on-your-shoulder kind either. Just a little check in here and there. Mom has been really hard to please this whole pregnancy. First she got angry because we wanted to wait until Christmas day to find out what the sex of the baby will be. She was angry because she'd miss all the baby sales!!! Are you fucking kidding me? I didn't respond with are you fucking kidding, I simply said...

So I'm 22 +1 today and I don't know why but lately I have been uninspired to write on this blog. I realize that I'll regret that decision later, so I really need to get that mojo back. At 22 weeks I'm starting to get a little belly. I joke with my husband that I'm starting to look like a little teapot because I'm so short and round. HA! The baby is doing well. We had our scan on Tuesday and everything looks perfect and healthy. All the bones and major organs are working well and growing as they should be. At 22 weeks the baby is covered in soft, downy hair its eyelids are fully formed and he or she is about 11 inches long, and around 1 pound. Ooooh I can't tell you how excited I get thinking about this baby. I know there's going to be a lifetime of great and sprinkles of really bad, but something about this baby makes me feel so much joy - like I've never felt before. It's amazing how I get to grow a freaking human! I'm so thankful ...

Today I'm 21 weeks, waaaahooo! Baby is the size of a carrot (or 10.5 inches) and weighs nearly a pound. Its eyebrows and lids are forming as well as its ability to swallow and breathe. I've felt movement consistently now and it makes me so happy. Apparently, babies get hiccups around this time and I'm wondering what that feels like in the womb. My belly is still relatively small and can be hidden in most of my clothes. Another two months before we get to find out what we're having, but I don't mind. We went to a baby flea market today and all the baby stuff made me feel emotional. I came home and cried about an inability to buy baby socks. Really it's just that I want to make more money. The socks were irrelevant. As we were eating shitty tuna rolls and cheese, I started to cry crocodile tears about bloody baby socks! And my husband innocently says to me, "why do these socks matter so much? The baby won't even wear socks in the beginni...

Not much to report today. The baby was much more active though which makes me pretty happy. I need to just get a grip and believe everything will be perfectly fine. It started moving around from morning and I still feel little squirms even as I type. It's a fascinating experience that I'm so honored to get the chance to go through. Not that I pity those that don't, rather I just wish everyone could experience what it feels like to make another human. Perhaps we would have less hate in the world? Not sure if that resonates though. There must be loads of hateful moms out there. Tomorrow is 21 weeks ^_^ xo Jenea - Everything is always okay in the end; and if it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Something weird is going on with my body. It feels like my tummy is getting smaller, not bigger, these past couple of days. Even the hardness of the bump seems to have gone soft. My appetite isn't nearly as ravenous as it was even a few weeks ago. And my headaches have disappeared, although I'm almost positive it's because I'm drinking insane amounts of water every day (4 liters or more). My breasts have started developing bulging veins and still seem to be growing. And I still feel the baby's kicks or movements throughout the day, though some days he or she is more active than others. I've also noticed if I curl myself up in a ball or lean forward while I sit I can feel more movements from the baby. I wonder if it's because the baby doesn't like that or because I've moved everything closer together to feel movement. I'm curious, though, whether some of the spasms I feel are actually gas and not the baby moving around. Everything I feel...

YES! I'm halfway there! Today we're at 20 weeks strong. The baby is 10 inches from head to toe, and doing backflips in my uterus. I loooove it! He or she is the love of my life already they're not even here. It's a shame that men can't experience the joy of cooking a baby. What else is happening with baby? Well if it's a girl, her uterus is formed. He or she is producing bile now that we'll see in their first dirty diaper. They are also sucking their thumb and swallowing more and more. I've read that after this week I should expect to put on about 1 pound a week (I'm aiming for one pound every two weeks since I was overweight when I got pregnant). Not the most awesome news, but I'm just happy my baby still seems healthy. xo Jenea - Everything is always okay in the end; and if it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Baby has decided to kick me in the bladder all day and I'm loving every bit of it. Since this morning this kid has been actively moving around and I can't tell you how happy it makes me. I'm a little paranoid about everything so it's nice to feel the baby moving around. I've been getting kicked, punched, or headbutted in the groin and bladder all day. It makes me wonder why some days the baby is more active than others. I haven't been able to pin down exactly what it is. There is a correlation between its activity and how hard I worked out that day, but only a small one. It could also be sugar or my lack of sleep. xo Jenea -Everything is always okay in the end, and if it's not okay, then it's not the end.

I've been being less frequent with these blog posts as of late. Not sure why, but perhaps it's to do with not having much to say. Feels like all the sensations I've had, I've already talked about, but so what. I guess I can revisit them. As of now, my belly is really starting to show. It's not super preggo, and if you just glanced you might think I'm just fat. But there's something there. My heartbeat is a weird thing that's been bothering me lately. Sometimes I can't think of focus because it's beating so fast it feels like I might die. I notice that if I eat something that is very salty or processed, it goes nuts. This past week my vagina has felt like there's a weight pressing down on it. It's not terribly painful, but just weird. The best way to describe it is when you're riding a bike and sitting on a seat that's way too narrow. And the bike is far too tall for your height. Your groin ends up a bit achy, and that'...

Tonight I went to a kids birthday party. A friend of mine threw a gorgeous party in honor of her daughter who turned one. Gorgeous decorations that were created with hours upon hours of labor-intensive love. It made me anxious if I'm honest. All this work for a one-year-old who will never remember it. Suffice to say the pictures will be a memorable treat. But it was quite nice to sit around and watch children from the ages of 4-8 run around enjoying themselves. They hired a party person to sing and dance with the kids and get them going. My husband and I remarked on how it takes a very confident and fun kind of person to do that sort of thing with children. It was also nice to sit with my hubby and watch him watch the other children. He has a kind heart that shows a deep love for connecting with children and getting them to have fun. It made my soul happy to see it. I remember the first time I saw him in his element with young children. It was on our fi...

This morning, after coffee and a nice chat with the hubby, I was off to the gym (which is unfortunately just above my flat) to do some cardio. I decided to push myself a little harder than I normally do during this session. I dunno, I felt great this morning and wanted to get some warrior energy to get through the day. When I came back, I lie flat on the couch to do a bit of meditation before I started work. The most awesome sensation happened! The baby felt like it was going absolutely mental! I felt all kinds of flutters and spasms. Nothing like a true baby kick, but it wasn't gas or anything else. It was definitely the baby. Oh man, what an awesome feeling. I couldn't really concentrate on my meditating because I felt the flutters and started to laugh. It's a weird response, but I dunno, it made me giggle. Super happy that things are starting to feel reeeeaaaal. xo Jenea - Everything is always okay in the end; and if it's not okay, then it's ...

Today I'm a week shy of being halfway there! I'm also a week shy of being outta the danger, DANGER, zone. I think I may have felt the baby kick the last couple of days but I have no idea what sensation I'm looking for. It's a shame I didn't come on here and blog the exact day it happened, but I've been feeling like rather recluse. At 19 weeks, the baby is as big as an heirloom tomato (six inches) and it's starting to really get all its senses. I've started singing directly to the baby, although fear of it hating my voice bubbles up every now and then. I think I read somewhere that Celine Dion sang to her baby, and when it came out, it didn't like when she sang. LOL! That'd be just my luck. I finally got out to meet another mom who is about as pregnant as I am, but I don't think we'll become best mates any time soon. As with most other people I've met in Dubai, it's very difficult to remain friends with someone unle...

I am not having a good day today. I am really fucking lonely. Like to the bone. Alone. I sit home all day working on my business, and at night my hubby comes back, we chat, I make dinner, and we watch a little Netflix. It's a sad existence. I don't talk to anyone else all day and it sucks. I bawled my eyes out today over it. And not only because I don't have anyone to talk to, but because the people I have to talk to aren't really there. When I reach out to talk to them, they come back with a lukewarm response, or worse, nothing at all. Is it wrong for me to feel like my family should give a shit about my pregnancy? I'm partly tempted to tell them all to go to hell but I know folks are dealing with their own problems. So fuck it. I'll suffer in silence. I feel stupid for even feeling bad since there are so many people who are truly suffering in Dubai, but I can't help my emotions. I'm a wreck and I want some friends who aren't fla...

I think about death almost every day. I don't know when exactly it started, but I've always been terrified of dying. I'm almost positive it was some sort of fear that was passed down from my mom. She, too, is shaken by the idea of death. I remember her making irrational statements about the things I did and attributing the possibility of death as the reason for her concern. I suppose that ideology grew on me in some way. My fear of death hasn't stopped me from doing anything, rather, it's just something that I daydream about. I often hear myself saying things like "What if this car hits me and I die? What if this plane falls outta the sky?" It's really frustrating because nothing can really cure me of this fear. They say the best thing to do when you're afraid of something is to face it head on, and erm, I'm afraid I can't really do that. Unfortunately, this fear has now extended to my baby. I worry - even at 18 months - that I ...

I'm starting to feel pregnant. Today I noticed for the first time my protruding belly is starting to feel rather tight and a bit painful. I've read that in the next week or so I'll have some serious growing pains which I'm fine with. I'm ready to start shopping either for myself or for the baby. It just feels like I'm stuck in some sort of purgatory ready to get to the next level. I often find that I'm going through the day giving thanks to the little things like being able to wake up when I want and worry about just myself. I've really nothing to say today though. xo Jenea - Everything is always okay in the end; and if it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Today I'm 18! The baby is the size of a bell pepper moving about in the uterus, although I still don't feel anything. I feel gas bubbles and get really excited only to fart a few moments later, HA! The baby's ears are settling into their final resting place and if it's a girl (fingers crossed!) her fallopian tubes are in place. I listened to a podcast from Radiolab called The Primordial Journey that talks about how a baby is formed (and not the boring stuff I'm telling you, but the stuff no one talks about; the bits before the baby is a baby). It was interesting because the podcast points out how we become male or female and what that process looks like. Basically, once the gonad cells are given instructions to become female, they go nuts and start replicating. By the time the baby girl is five months (in the womb), she has tens of millions of eggs. So technically, your grandchildren are in your womb before your child is even born! Crazytown! Anyway, l...

I feel like an afterthought. I have one sibling and she is barely two years older than me. Unfortunately, we've never been very close. I can't really pinpoint why exactly, but yeah. Anyway, she had her son in February. He was the first grandchild of the family on my side anyway. All throughout her pregnancy, we got to hear updates on the size of her baby, what it was doing, how she was feeling, and so on. Everyone was keen to know. Now that I'm pregnant, I feel like I get crickets. Even worse, when I do express any discomfort or pregnancy-related issues, it's like I get shut down immediately with statements like "this too shall pass." It's hurtful. I want to be able to experience my pregnancy the same way. I want people to care (or at least pretend to care) about what is going on with me. The problem with being the second-born is that for the most part, everything you do is always a repeat of what the first-born has done. The novelty has worn...

Tonight we went to see the movie Venom. It had pretty bad reviews, but for someone who's not a hardcore movie (or Marvel) fan, I appreciated it for what it was. We got our usual bucket of mixed popcorn with a bit of caramel and a bit of salt. The theater was packed. It's a proper IMAX theater with balcony and VIP seats. There are probably 300 seats in all, and every one of them had a body. In Dubai, it's totally fine to bring in all kinds of food to the movie. The lads in front of us were eating massive burgers that smelled divine. The guy next to my husband was slurping some noodly delight. And the baby across the aisle was eating sugar, sugar, sugar. The ENTIRE time. He was probably about 1 and a half years old, maybe two. Sitting on his mom's lap and gobbling up caramel popcorn, candy, and a massive slurpee. I kept glancing to my right and seeing a twizzler in his mouth. Then a big sip of the slurpee. Then a hand full of popcorn. Rinse and repeat. My own ...

How do parents square the circle of passion versus stability? And I don't really mean passion, I mean doing a job that has meaning. When I think about my entrepreneurial pursuits, sometimes I get caught daydreaming (or having daymares) that I won't be able to provide for my family. Then I start wondering if I should just go get a job. At least I'll have a steady paycheck every month. My husband and I have made a plan that, as of now, does not seem like it's going to work out. We're banking on a hope and a prayer that my business takes off and we can move to America for a fresh start. Of course, there's a plan in place to get to a place where I can provide for us, but it's only based on research, not actual experience. Unfortunately, things just aren't going fast enough. I can't see where all of this leads me and it's terrifying. Especially with a baby on the way. Today I feel overwhelmed and sad. Sad that I'm not in a better position....

Every couple of hours I catch myself thinking "Woah! I'm having a baby!" It's like I'm learning about it for the first time and it feels so good each time I say it. I really hope being a mommy is blissful. I know I'll have my moments, but I hope there are more butterflies than stones. Funny thing is, I don't really like other people's children. Kids usually like me - a lot. But I don't fancy them much. I've never been one of those women who go nuts over little babies or children. I've met loads of those women, and there's nothing wrong with them, but it's not me. I have, however, fantasized about having a family. A husband and a couple of kiddos. Living in a nice house near water and great weather. But those fantasies never center around children. Now I dream about meeting my baby. Wondering what kind of person it'll be and if we'll get along well. Hoping that it's caring but assertive, wise, but humble. Oh...

Welp, today I'm 17 weeks! The baby is the size (or weight, I'm never quite sure) of a turnip (5 inches from head to rump). He or she is developing their hearing and their skeleton is getting harder. So that means I'd better stop cursing, right? My hubby asked if the baby can make out what we're saying and the doctor said that it can definitely hear, but they're not sure what the baby makes of the sound. Sorta like your pets. They can hear music, but what does it sound like to them? Other than that, nothing remarkable is happening this week. I've forgotten two days in a row to take my prenatal vitamins. I'm also a little worried about where my diet has gone this past couple of weeks. I've been having midnight bowls of cereal. Sugar sugar sugar. I'm already feeling guilty wondering if I'm turning my baby into someone who's more susceptible to being overweight. I read a comment by a woman on an article about healthy eating during pregn...

I missed my first post yesterday. The first time in 27 days. I'm fairly pleased I was able to go so long before having missed a day, but also gutted I didn't get further. It was for a good reason I guess. We went out with some of my husband's colleagues to an all you can eat buffet dinner. It was mainly Indian, with bits of Asian and Mexican sprinkled throughout. It definitely wasn't the best buffet I've been to, especially for what they normally charge. If you want your buffet with some basic booze, it's 292 AED (around $80). And if you want the premium booze (with the wines and such) you're going to pay 350 AED or $95. I got to eat free because we had some sort of coupon on an app. So my hubby had a bunch of beers and I had a couple of plates of food and we spent about $100 for the both of us including a tip. I'd say that was fine for a night out, but I certainly didn't have $50 worth of food. Ugh. That's the problem with Dubai. You...

I often daydream about having a musical family. Sort of like the Jacksons except mom and dad are actually a part of the band. My husband dreams of this as well. Wanting our kids to learn several instruments and be enthusiastic about vinyl collections and song production. Yeah I mean who are we kidding. Our daydreams are just as bad as the guy who wants his son to play football and the lady who wishes her daughter was Miss America. I'm trying to be mindful of the fact that my son or daughter may not be that into music. They may be born without rhythm or good taste in music and how will that make us feel? It's not fair to be a disappointment to your parents just because you don't like the things they like. I see it happen all the time and it's really upsetting to watch. I don't want to be that parent, though from the sounds of it, I already am! What will it be like to have a kid that is completely different from my husband and I? Whose into things that a...

Back in April, my husband and I adopted a cat from a neighbor. His name is Dave and he's a Tabby. He was rescued from the streets of Dubai and has a snipped ear to prove it. (Street cats get snipped ears here to say they've been vaccinated and are safe to adopt). Suffice to say the cat wasn't well looked after by this neighbor. Without going into too many details, the neighbor just couldn't be bothered to take the cat to the vet (he's not been in five years). During this time he developed a very bad cough. It's inflammation of the larynx or something like that. It sounds like bronchitis and he does it several times a day. It's painful to watch. When I asked the neighbor about this cough the only answer I got was that he coughs for a bit and then later he's fine so he was never taken to the vet for it because - yeah he's just a cat so who cares? Well hubby and I knew this wasn't some hairball type of situation and took him to the vet right...

Whoopsie! I forgot to do my weekly update. Welp I'm 16 weeks and two days preggo. I got to see the baby today -finally! I've been waiting for this appointment for what feels like an eternity. The baby was stood on its head so it was a little hard to orient what I was seeing on the scan. Apparently, that's what babies do from 13-16 weeks - they like to be on their head. Anyway, it was precious. Good news all around. Its little feet are the size of a Barbie shoe. It weighed 140 grams and had a heartbeat of 150 bpm. We caught a glimpse of its profile and it looked so sweet. We saw the ribs and spine and shoulder blades. All looking strong and healthy. We were also told the baby is peeing and swallowing the pee, peeing and swallowing. I didn't really need to know that information, but the doctor said it's sterile pee so there's that. Today's scan was all about checking to make sure the cervix is intact and healthy. There's a condition where the m...

I'm so disappointed in my father. He's 72 years old and I've seen him less than five times since I was, I dunno, a teenager. Our relationship has been strained since I was a child. He left (or was kicked out) by my second birthday. I've been told that he was a difficult person to be with. From what I can remember about our encounters, I can agree. His first wife (not my mom, but a woman he married after my mom) was a nice woman. Her name was Maria and they were together for over 20 years. She died a few years ago from complications related to cancer. She was barely in her 50s. I remember the way he would talk to her. So dismissive and often condescending. They frequently found themselves short on cash and her parents would bail them out. Suffice to say, they did NOT like him. They were Portuguese immigrants who worked hard for the things they had and couldn't understand why this American man couldn't do the same. Besides the way he treated Maria, he al...

Have you ever heard this word? Matrescence. I hadn't until today. I was looking for something to watch and decided to open up my TED app. As I scrolled through, one headline caught my eye. "A New Way To Think About The Transition To Motherhood." It's a 6-minute clip talking about how we talk about becoming a mother. She basically hits on three main points. First, she opens by asking the audience if they remembered what it was like to have acne, and mood swings, and changing bodies. She also describes how frustrating it was to be thrust into this adult body amidst mental and physical changes you didn't quite understand. She uses these analogies to help the audience understand what mothers go through when they're growing a baby. There are loads of things that are happening to your body and your brain that make you feel a bit nuts. I obviously loved that she said this because it's why I started this blog. My Second Puberty is exactly that! S...

Being fit isn't something that has ever come naturally to me. I've always had a relatively active  lifestyle, but I'd hardly be able to classify it as fit one. A point of contention I've had with my wonderful husband has been ideas around health. Particularly ideas around diet and weight management. I didn't grow up with a healthy diet, which meant my 20s were spent chasing fad diets and attempting to lose weight. I've been consistently disappointed with my weight and body shape since I was at least 7. I'm just so tired of talking about it. So when it comes up (as it does regularly) I get my back up and find that I can't speak about it like a rational person. My husband says things like "Aren't we going to be a family who is active and healthy? Don't you want to be able to take our kids on hikes without needing to stop constantly?" Of course I want all of that. But am I just fooling myself into thinking that's actual...

Tonight the hubs and I watched a film called "The Land of Steady Habits." Netflix and chill kinda night. SPOILERS BELOW This film is about a recently divorced finance guy who has also recently retired and basically can't get out of his own way. He's a fifty-something handsome guy who bangs a lot of women he meets in random stores but can't seem to get it up once he gets them in bed. Anyway, that's not really why I'm talking about this. Really, what struck me were the two sons that were featured in the movie. One was his son and one was he and his ex-wife's best friends' son. Both were complete knob-heads. Screw ups with drug habits who were well into their late twenties and incapable of keeping jobs. The sets of parents wrestled with the issue of what went wrong. What had they done wrong that their kids had turned out so messed up? One of the sons actually ended up dying from an overdose. I don't even have a child yet, but I'm...

Tonight, over dinner, my husband and I struck up a conversation that we've had plenty of times in the past as a hypothetical. We talked about our expectations of ourselves and each other, once this baby comes. In the past, we'd normally gloat about how awesome we're gonna be and how accommodating we'll make sure we are and blah blah *insert smug idea here* blah. But tonight was - shall I say - hilariously different. My husband literally said "I feel like I might have a total breakdown once this baby comes. Like I won't know what I'm doing and you'll get mad at me for not catching on faster and the whole thing will just be a mess." To be fair, a lot of moms have said that this is a thing. That when the baby comes, for a long time the husband just doesn't get it. And the women end up spending more time explaining how to do something until they realize that just doing it themselves would save a ton of time and arguments. Of course at t...

I've thought a lot more about what it means to be a mom. It sucks that so many people say that you have to give up your life to have a child. That nothing is ever the same. While I agree with the latter part of that sentence, I don't understand the former. Why do you have to "give up your life" to have a child? Why can't that child or those children come and be a part of what you've got going on? Today I was listening to a podcast about how to get things done and the speaker said something to the effect of people use their children as an excuse to get out of things that feel very challenging instead of confronting that challenge. I think that's absolutely true. Since it's easy to stay in our little corner and do the things we always do because we know what to expect, many of us - when faced with adversity - will say we can't deal with it because, ya know, the kids. Man I sure hope I don't become one of those people. It's highly ...

I've got my doctor's appointment one week from today. I get to see how much the baby has grown and see it wiggling around and stuff. Like I mentioned before, if it weren't for all the headaches and sick, I wouldn't think anything was in there. We could also theoretically find out what the baby's sex is, although I want to wait until Christmas to do that. On the baby center app, they survey you almost every day with these really interesting questions. You can see half a million answers from other parents as well. Today the question asked whether or not you're still drinking. The answers ranged from "I've given up completely, I have a glass here and there, I drink once a week, or I have more than one drink per week." I was surprised that more 5% of the responders said they're drinking here and there. WTF? Isn't it common knowledge that it's pretty dangerous to drink while you're pregnant? I haven't had the urge at al...

One thing that has been bothering me lately is the size of our car. It's a small, compact car. A Ford Fiesta to be exact. I love it because we were able to purchase it outright without making payments, which saved us a ton in the long term. It's also great on fuel and fitting into tight parking spaces. But when it comes to carting around a brand new baby, I'm just not convinced. For one, and this is a biggie for me, there is very little space between the back of the car and the backseat. This bothers me because drivers in Dubai possess very little patience or skill when operating motor vehicles. I have seen some of the most horrific traffic accidents of my life here. And I've witnessed some very avoidable accidents as well. In fact, one of my husband's coworkers was put in a coma after a vehicle slammed into the back of her car while she was sat at a red light. The other two passengers in her car were banged up pretty bad as well and out of work for week...

Ah yes, the big 1-5! Not really, what happens at 15 weeks anyway?  According to Baby Center, the baby is swallowing and moving its limbs. It is also sensitive to light and can move away from it if shined at the belly. I'm still not showing, but that's neither here nor there. I went to see a friend today and got to talking about all the things that are going to change once the baby comes. To be fair, she's a bit negative about it, or I'm far too optimistic. She was going on about how I've no clue what's in store and all the things I promise to do now I might as well throw to the wind. I get that. It makes sense, you know. It's like when you're young and you say things like I'm gonna be an astronaut or a rock star. While those things aren't IMpossible, they're quite unlikely.  It's the same with expecting parents, innit? You say all this grandiose shit that you hope to do with your kids someday not...

Felt a TON better today. No throwing up and no headaches - thank the lord! I actually got some work done, did a bit of cleaning and finally, FINALLY managed to see some friends. These are people my hubby and I knew back from our days in Beijing. We didn't realize they were here and that they live JUST around the corner. I can't say how stoked I am about that. They're a lovely couple with an 11-month-old daughter who is incredibly advanced. She started sitting by herself at 4 months and walking at 9 months. I couldn't believe it until I saw! She's already eating solid foods and she loves being read to. I realize that this is setting me up for disaster. If my kid doesn't hit these benchmarks, I'm going to feel like a failure - I already know it! 😂 In all seriousness, it looks exhausting to be a parent - especially of one who is on the run. You're constantly up and down because they don't want to sit still and if you try to make them, the...

Today is the second day of migraines and vomiting. I haven't left the house all day and I wasn't very productive. Would it be wrong to say I wish more people felt sorry for me - particularly my family? When I text our family group to say I feel unwell, I either get no response, a response that doesn't acknowledge what I've just written, or a kind of "yeah, yeah, that's pregnancy. Sowz!" Today I'm lonely, in pain and feeling sorry for myself. I very much wish I had more friends here. xo Jenea - Everything is always okay in the end; and if it's not okay, then it's not the end.

I have a headache that will not go away. I've taken as many paracetamols as I can without turning my baby into a crackhead, and still, it won't give in. I've probably had close to 4 liters of water today, and two naps. What could be the bloody problem?! Funny thing is every time, EVERY TIME, I take medicine I type in "can you miscarry if you take ____?" Everything is a life or death issue now. It's kind of exhausting, but mostly terrifying. All of these articles out here seem to play a shadowy blame-game with unsuspecting moms. Research shows that mums who (insert normal, everyday thing) had children with a higher risk of (insert scary thing here). Sometimes I wish my husband could help bear the responsibility of incubating this kid - you know kind of like eagles do. That's probably the selfish thing in me coming out. I don't want to be the only one responsible for messing up this baby. God forbid the baby has something wrong with i...

When do you start saying things like "My kid will NEVER get away with that!"? I feel like I've been saying it for at least a decade now, but I can't be sure. These vacuous statements came with more arrogance the older and "wiser" I got. "There's NO WAY a friggin 4-year-old is incapable of being told 'no' without throwing a tantrum. NO WAY!" I find myself being ridiculously judgemental of the people around me - including family and friends. "Why are you letting her DO that?" I secretly wonder as I try to hide my irritability. Then I start playing hypothetical situations starring my own children in the same role - where I'm some sort of heroic mum who not only gets the point across that I don't play that shit, but that my child somehow respects what I say. PFFFFF. I know this is all horse shit, but still - like a bad fairytale - I buy into the romanticism of it all. After all, if a child behaves badly  ...

I felt bad today. Like nauseous all day. I even threw up, which is hiiiiiighly unusual considering I've only puked like twice this whole pregnancy. I am pretty sure it's because I've eaten crap all day - sorta. I ate oatmeal and pineapple for breakfast, with a bit of honey and cinnamon, which was fine. But between breakfast and lunch, I didn't eat anything. #strike1 I have breakfast at about 7-730. I didn't eat lunch until a little after 1 p.m. Needless to say, I was starving. I rammed that spicy curry and rice down my throat. #strike2 I've felt like crap ever since. I even had to take a couple of painkillers because a headache had settled in. Then I just ate shit the rest of the day AND I didn't hydrate well at all. #strike3 A cookie here, M&Ms there, and veggie pasta tonight complete with feta, which I'm not totally sure I'm allowed to eat. Every time I put junk food in my system I feel awful. But I still do it anyway beca...

Just before sitting down to write this, my hubby and I were discussing my future body. Really we were talking about my current body. "Your boobs are enormous." "Yeah, I was thinking that today. I'm really worried what they're gonna look like after children." "Well, you're not gonna have your boobs out anyway, right? So just buy nice bras." Ugh. I hate this idea that once you have children you're going to turn into some repulsive troll who wears trash bags for clothes. No thanks. I told my husband this and his response was my boobs aren't going to matter in the grand scheme of things. Life will be so fulfilling that things like how your boobs look will seem trivial. Pfff. I disagree. I very much enjoy looking good. I don't see a future where I don't try my best to pull myself together. Sure, I won't be wearing skimpy outfits, because I never have, but I'll still want to look extra sexy now and then...

First trimester is ovaaaaaah! Okay so I have to admit that I didn't actually know the end of the first trimester was the end of the 13th week, I thought it was the end of the 12th week. In any case, I'm happy that I'm into the second trimester when moms apparently feel their best. To be fair, I had an extremely productive day today - most productive I've had since I got pregnant it feels like. About the kiddo. . . Well, the baby is the size of a lemon, according to the Baby Center app that's on my phone. It squints, frowns and pees! It also sucks its thumb, has fine hair growing all around the body, and will eventually start making red blood cells thanks to the work of the liver. What else. I think I've found that raw onions are a big no-no for me. They sit in my mouth (even after brushing) and make me feel really sick. Also, I LOVE spicy food. Even though I've been told to stay away from it, it hasn't upset my stomach once. yay! We ha...

I've found something quite irritating recently and I'm not entirely sure why. Must-have lists for new mommies. I'm not a planner. In fact, if there's one thing my husband would most definitely say he dislikes about me is that I don't plan. I'm not particularly proud of this fact. I don't carry some sort of badge of honor by winging things most the time. Instead, I find myself making excuses for why I couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't plan. "Spontaneity kills expectations. Expectations kill happiness." That's my quote. You can use it if it resonates. In all fairness, I really don't like planning because I'm a perfectionist, and I tend to go round and round at the number of options I generally have if I do try to plan something. But with the onset of a new human entering our lives, it goes without saying that some sort of planning needs to take place. I have to step out of my insulated bubble of self-loathing and s...

Early pregnancy has been a little weird for me.  I haven't had an "awful" first trimester. I vomited 2-3 times total, the only smell that bothers me is deodorant, and my boobs were sore about as long as they're sore when I'm about to get my period. The only thing that sort of sucks is I have mild nausea throughout the day, but nothing to write home about. For a week I was ravenous, but mind over matter, I didn't eat everything in sight. I told myself it's not real hunger, and that too has subsided. I say all this to say, lots of mornings I wake up and wonder out loud, "is there really a baby in there?" I've seen it on the ultrasound. Three times now to be exact. It's an active baby. Jumping around and enjoying its big swimming pool while it has the room. I've listened to its heartbeat, at first 177 beats per minute, then 168, then 162. I know something is alive in there, but it feels like since I've seen the baby, ...

Tonight, over my chicken-bacon risotto, my husband started talking about some of the complexities of his job. It happens that in music, lots of students (and more likely their parents) will choose to study the piano. This typically presents a very challenging situation for music teachers because it doesn't make much sense for more than two piano players to be in any one ensemble. To circumvent this mess, the teachers generally encourage mediocre piano students to become part of the choir or to learn an instrument the ensemble desperately needs (usually violins, flutes, etc). I asked my husband what the parents normally think of this, considering they'll have spent a good amount of time and money getting their child's skills to a level that's even decent. He said most parents didn't seem to mind, just as long as their kids were happy and participating in something musical. He then went on a kind of rant about how learning the piano isn't ideal because i...

Tonight was the second night in a row we had dinner with friends from the apartment complex. Last night I cooked chicken satay, tonight they cooked pho. Both nights have been great. It is nice to be around people and feel like we have more than just each other - husband and wife - in this sandpit. It's not easy making friends here. Dubai is quite big and spread out. Add to that the foreigners here are rather cliquey and this place becomes a massive middle school you never wanted to see again. I've never lived abroad where it's been this  difficult to make friends. I don't work outside the home, so that's problem number one. My husband isn't too fussed about meeting people at work either. So that leaves me to actively search for friendships at Internations events or some other forced meetup that always ends up feeling very awkward. One year in, and it's like we just moved here yesterday. But these past couple of nights have done wonders for my lon...

Today I finally got back to the hair salon. My hair has been looking like dreaded sheep's wool for the past 8 days or so after my husband so graciously removed my summer braids. I sat in the chair, they asked how my summer went, and of course, I told them the news that I was pregnant and they were all excited for me. These women mostly come from Ethiopia, one is from Kenya, and the other is from the Philippines. Samry, one of the Ethiopian stylists, told me as she washed my hair that back in Ethiopia, there's a woman who can look at your boobs at around 8 weeks and tell you - with 100% accuracy - if you're having a boy or a girl. And I bet that's right too. I mean if you think about it, when you don't have a bunch of fancy machines doing all the work for your brain, you have an innate capability to sort things out for yourself. I used to be excellent with directions and the ability to orient myself very quickly if I happened to be in a new place. With the wo...

I'm always hungry. I go to bed thinking about what I'm going to make for lunch (I eat oats every single day for breakfast) and my stomach rumbles at just the thought. I wake up and all I can think about is how fast I can boil the water so I can get those oats, pineapple and dried cranberries in my system. I'm never satisfied. Before I got pregnant, I went hardcore in trying to lose weight. My husband graciously paid for a personal trainer for three months. I exercised every day, sometimes twice a day 6-7 times a week. I didn't enjoy it, but man the results were great. I was also intermittent fasting. This helped someone like me who likes to eat big meals, rather than several small meals throughout the day. 4-5 meals a day doesn't work for me. It takes too much mental energy to plan and prep. But I've read and been told several times that sprinkling small meals throughout the day is the way to go when you're pregnant. Intermittent fasting is defin...

13 is my favorite number. That's mostly because everyone else hates it or they are deathly afraid of it. I was born on the 13th of July - on a Friday at that! And no, my life hasn't been plagued with tragedy and misfortune. Yes, I've had my fair share of it, but not more than anyone else. I've decided on this day, the beginning of my 13th week of pregnancy, that I should start blogging about my experiences. I like to write, even though I'm not a great writer. I especially like to write really intelligent, academic papers that make me sound smart - and maybe even a little smug. I enjoy dropping words like obsequious into casual conversation, not to make people squirm, but to perform micro experiments on unknowing subjects in order to see who's able to drop their ego and ask for clarification, and who will spend the next five minutes trying to work out what the hell obsequious means. Do I sound like a douche yet? Because I'm going to be somebody's ...